The Power of Choice: A Tale as Old as Time

When this newsletter hits, we’ll be one week into the new Jewish year 5787. 

After hosting twenty five for the holiday, most of it has been spent straightening up, putting serving platters back into storage, schlepping folding chairs and tables down to the basement, nursing a strained back (it sucks to get old!) and eating leftovers. Not a complaint. Just facts. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because, honestly, I love hosting the holidays.

I love how the house smells when I’m cooking brisket and and chicken soup. I love the way our house looks a thousand times more beautiful when it’s filled with people we love. I love how it all fills me with this profound sense of connection to family, community and history.

Throw in all sorts of spiritual and seasonal significance and you get a heady cocktail for someone like me who is always looking for meaning in the moment. It’s probably why I ended up weeping at the kitchen table last Sunday.

For context, I’ve been attending Manhattan’s Central Synagogue virtually for the last few years. Our family found them at a time when my dad, in the early stages of Parkinson’s, wasn’t able to physically attend the high holiday services, We’ve felt a special connection to the clergy and congregation ever since.

So with a much-needed coffee in one hand and a plate of honey cake in the other, I logged into temple last Sunday and caught a sermon that cracked me wide open.

In it, the Rabbi shared a hero's journey of sorts to introduce the concepts of Netzach and Hod. 

Netzach is our drive to take action, control our destiny, and push forward. Hod is our ability to step back, accept our limits, and surrender to reality. In plainer terms, it's our agency.

The personal saga he shared involved a refreshing dunk in a lake, the horrifying moment his wedding ring flew off his finger into murky water below, and the emotional roller coaster that ensued. He described his desperate attempt at rescuing the ring to illustrate the way Netzach and Hod co-exist when we inevitably face life's twists and turns. 

In theory, they seem like polar opposites:

Netzach is drive. Hod is surrender. 

Netzach is endurance. Hod is humility.

Netzach taps into the sheer will, determination and forward momentum needed to get the job done. 

Hod, on the other hand, asks us to reconcile what’s within our control, to reflect, slow down and, to a certain extent, give in.

But in practice, the Rabbi argued, neither is right or wrong, better or worse. They work in lock step - like two legs, he said. 

Think about the mechanics of a stride. It makes sense. Our legs rely on each other to move. One leg grounds us, balanced and stable while the other pushes off creating forward momentum.

One without the other? We’d be stuck. And honestly, “stuck” is the most common phrase I hear from people who come to me for coaching – funny how that works.  

Full disclosure: I’ve gone down many, many rabbit holes since listening to that sermon. I discovered that the concepts of Netzach and Hod are rooted in Kabbalah, an ancient system of Jewish mysticism that maps out the human psyche. And, honestly, I’m still processing so bear with me as I try to unpack this, because here’s where things get interesting. 

The act of walking is really driven by unconscious muscle memory. But, as far as I can tell, the true paradox of Netzach and Hod lies in our ability to pause our knee-jerk reactions, consciously recognize which one is running on autopilot and decide if that’s what actually serves us most in the present moment.

If you’ve been here a while, you may be starting to understand why his sermon resonated so deeply within me. Why I found myself ugly crying alone, at the kitchen table, watching temple in my pajamas on a Sunday morning.

I’ve spent the last few years unknowingly practicing Netzach and Hod within myself and with my clients. I’ve just called it something different: a purposeful pivot. 

Turns out, I've been tapping into centuries-old wisdom. 

I describe purposeful pivots on my website as the conscious, intentional choices that create more life satisfaction and less stress.

The Rabbi said it this way

:

The past may be out of our control, but the person we become next is not.

Amen.

As I was lying on the heating pad, cursing myself for wearing unsupportive ‘fancy shoes’ that left my back in shambles, I had a pretty good chuckle realizing my own Netzach and Hod moments leading up to the holiday celebration. 

For years, I’ve ‘handled’ the holiday prep, set up and clean up on my own. Is it alot? Yep. Am I exhausted after? You bet. I’m also stubborn and prideful. When chatting with my mother-in-law, I mentioned in passing that I’d considered hiring someone to help me but decided I could handle it on my own. She admonished me in the most loving of ways. “OF COURSE you hire her! Don’t be silly!” 

She was right. So, I did. I surrendered control. And you know what? It was awesome.

It's not about choosing one leg over the other. Netzach over Hod. It's using both to become who we want to be and feel how we want to feel. That's agency. That's the power of choice.

If you need me, I’ll be over here nursing my back, snacking on honey cake and nerding out on Kabbalah. 

And if a part of you keeps circling back to your own Netzach and Hod – where you're pushing when you could be surrendering, or holding on so tight to "handled" that you're missing out on actually enjoying the thing –  I'd love to talk.

No pressure. Just possibility.