Finding Your Purpose at Midlife: Why Legacy Isn't Always What You Think

Snuggled on the sofa, steaming cup of coffee in hand, CBS Sunday Morning on the telly – that's as near perfect as it gets. The only thing better? This past weekend's entire show was dedicated to FOOD.

From the psychology of comfort foods to the King's Hawaiian origin story to the cultural mashup that resulted in Korean fried chicken, every segment was a winner.

But one story had me leaning in closer to the screen: cemetery markers etched with the signature recipes of the dearly departed.

While earning her master's degree, an archivist created a TikTok channel devoted to unique gravestones. In her research, she discovered headstones engraved with treasured family recipes. After sharing a video of herself making one, her channel exploded. People began sending images of other headstone recipes from across the country.

In the interview, she asserts there's no better way to preserve a family recipe. And let's face it, if it's etched in granite for all eternity, it was probably a damn good recipe.

With the 2025 holiday season underway, favorite family dishes are definitely on our menu.

From Grandma Ann's chicken soup and Grandma Myrna's potato pie to newer additions like Joel's latkes and my spin on Mom's brisket, these soulful standbys are more than welcome additions to the table.

These treasured recipes connect us to moments, memories, and meaning.

When I make my grandma's chicken soup, decades of memories flash like a slideshow: little me mesmerized (and a little horrified) watching her light a match to burn the remaining feathers off the kosher bird; teenage me dutifully learning as my mother showed me how to use paper towels to remove the fat off the top; and grown-up me experiencing the joy of my own little girl kneeling on a chair beside me, cracking eggs into a bowl for matzo balls.

Even the familiar aroma of sautéing onions and garlic transports me back to New Year's Eves of my childhood – my mom making her famous meat sauce to serve guests.

Food is history. Food is love. Food is a connection.

If you ask me, passed-down family recipes are treasures more valuable than the china they were served on.

Which is why this story won't leave me alone.

When I meet with clients of a certain age (cough, cough...midlife), they're beginning to think about purpose and legacy. What will they be remembered for? How will their contributions influence future generations?

Sandwiched between caring for children and aging parents, they're also feeling their mortality. Add in pressure around career, finances, and what the next stage of life might hold, and of course they're craving some level of certainty and control over their destiny and lasting impact. During an already stressful season of life, this quest for legacy and purpose can add a whole other layer of angst and overwhelm.

My mom recently read me the obituary of my classmate's father. To say this man was accomplished is an understatement. Paragraph after paragraph lauded his scientific, academic, and professional achievements. Beyond impressive.

And yet.

I bet what his wife, children, and grandchildren miss most about him has nothing to do with his career and contributions to society.

So I wonder: what changes when we rethink how we think about legacy?

What if we were to reframe legacy as an ongoing way of being rather than a final destination – living in alignment with our values, setting meaningful goals, and cultivating meaningful relationships?

What if your lasting legacy is the way you give your full attention during conversations with loved ones?

Or the way you show up unconditionally for friends in need, no questions asked?

Or the famous sweet noodle pudding that only you make, just so?

According to Merriam-Webster, the simplest definition of legacy is "something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past."

So if you're struggling to define your legacy, there's a good chance you're already laying the foundation in how you live, love and lean in right now. 

Or maybe it's already sitting in your recipe box, waiting to be passed down.

I'm curious. What recipe of yours would your family preserve in granite? I'd LOVE to hear about it. Hit reply and let me know!