When a Messy Closet Turns Out To Be a Mirror

Inspiration for the topics I explore in this newsletter come through a variety of channels. Sometimes it’s based on something I read or heard. Other times, it’s diving deeper into a personal experience. And then, there are the ones which arrive as ‘divine downloads’ when I’m out walking Thor. 

On a recent constitutional, I was preoccupied with tweaking my answer to the question “what do you do?” Anything to take my mind off of the bitter cold. Also, I was attending a networking event that evening and wanted to land on something that felt strong, true and also intriguing enough to trigger a “tell me more” response. 

In case you’re curious: 

I help women who’ve outgrown the spaces they’re in get clear on what they want next, and build the self-trust and plan to create a life that feels like coming home to themselves. 

On the drive home from the event, I was replaying the evening in my head, as one does. In particular, I was assessing how well I thought my new ‘niche statement’ had landed. For whatever reason, I locked in on the phrase ‘outgrowing spaces’ and started thinking about my closet – a space that is, indeed, overflowing!

From there, I had a good giggle thinking about the amorous looks I get from Joel when he sees me heading upstairs with Hefty bags in hand. You’d never know it by looking around our house, but throwing things out has become a kind of love language for us in the last few years.

In that ‘free-association’ way an untethered brain wanders, I somehow found my way to Marie Kondo. Remember her? She had a big moment a while back with her book, The Lifechanging Magic of Tidying Up, which then spawned a Netflix series.  

But it doesn’t end there. 

I got to thinking about her KonMari method that popularized this idea of thanking your possessions for their service. That took me full-circle to the work I do, and the a-HA that you now find yourself reading about. 

Imaginary show of hands:

• Who here has things in your closet that you no longer wear because your style has evolved or your shape has changed 🙋🏼‍♀️

• Who here is holding on to certain wardrobe items even though they no longer make sense for your lifestyle 🙋🏼‍♀️

• Who here has experienced buyer’s remorse – clothing, shoes, accessories that you regret purchasing – yet still refuse to get rid of them  🙋🏼‍♀️

Is anyone else’s arm tired? 🙋🏼‍♀️ 

Have you ever gotten curious about WHY you hold on to stuff? And by the way, “no” is a perfectly perfect response. Honestly, it hadn’t occurred to me either until that car ride. So, I decided to do a little exercise and brainstorm all the reasons why I haven’t been able to purge certain items in my closet (Burberry tunic top with matching leggings, I’m looking at you):

• Self doubt (aka, the ‘what ifs’): What if it comes back in style? Maybe I’ll want to wear it again even though I haven’t worn it in years. What if I regret getting rid of it?

• Hope: Maybe I’ll lose a few pounds and it'll look good on me again. Or maybe one of my daughters will want to wear it someday?

  
  

• Stubborn pride: That was an expensive piece. It’s designer! 

• Apathy & resignation: Ugh, this is overwhelming. I can’t even deal right now.

  
  

• Sentimentality/Identity attachment: Awww…this was my first ‘big girl’ purchase. How can I get rid of that? 

  
  

• Guilt: I spent all that money on these shoes. How can I throw them out?

This is just a small sample of the stories that I came up with. So my next question is: what do you think? Are any of these good reasons? Bad reasons? The right reasons? The wrong reasons? 

The answer is D – all of the above – when we judge them as such.  

And when we give power and meaning to those thoughts –  good/bad/right/wrong – they wield untold influence over what we do, or don’t do, next.

Now, for the sake of sticking the landing on my big a-HA, let’s replace clothing with something a little more consequential like, say, a job, a relationship, a habit, routine or a mindset.

See where I’m going here? 

At its core, Kondo’s philosophy reveals two, often subconscious, barriers to decluttering – emotional attachment to the past and fear for the future – basically holding on to things for who we were, or for who we think we should be, rather than for who we are now.

Her antidote to this ‘stuckness’ is deceptively simple, and just as confronting: keep only what sparks joy, and commit to tidying once, not endlessly.

While Kondo is talking about closets and drawers, the deeper opportunity is how we relate to change, identity and choice itself. It's an opening to choose what truly belongs in this season of life, and to stop circling the same decisions without resolution.

When you zoom out, this is exactly what a purposeful pivot asks of us – beyond our closets.

And, whoop, there it is…the A-HA!

What if the fear of discarding isn’t a flaw, but, rather, an invitation?

An invitation to release judgment in favor of curiosity.

To notice the stories we tell ourselves about who we’ve been, who we thought we should be, and who we’re afraid to stop being.

And to see how quietly those stories keep us stuck.

While Kondo’s practice of thanking your possessions was, I remember, widely mocked, I’d argue that underneath it is something profoundly grounding: appreciation without attachment.

It’s a way of acknowledging that what we once chose made sense then. That it served a purpose. That it taught us something. And that we don’t need to shame our past selves in order to make different choices now.

Decluttering, whether we’re talking about closets, careers or life transitions, is really about getting clear on who we are now, while honoring who we’ve been, so we can release what no longer fits without resentment or regret.

“Spark joy” becomes more than a sorting question. It’s a way to name our values and

use them as a filter for decision-making going forward. Not everything deserves equal consideration. And not every choice needs to be endlessly re-litigated.

And tidying once, properly? That’s the practice of choosing intentional, conscious change over perpetual second-guessing and rumination – creating space for what’s next instead of staying tethered to what was.

This is the heart of a purposeful pivot.

It’s not about judging past choices or rushing toward reinvention. It’s about appreciating the road that brought you here, integrating the lessons it offered, and moving forward with clarity, self-trust, and confidence.

Hey, sometimes all it takes is a powerful metaphor to help us see things differently. Other times, we need a little support to practice letting go with grace.

If you’re standing at the edge of a pivot, wondering what to keep, what to thank, and what to release…you know where to find me. 

Grab Some Time On My Calendar

And with temperatures dipping into the negative teens here in the north this weekend, I’m sensing a wild few days of decluttering ahead. Hubba, hubba! 😍🤣