One Small Mindset Shift That Creates Lasting Change

Many moons ago, I visited the Clinique Counter at the 59th Street Bloomingdale's to purchase a container of their All About Eyes cream. I’d received a sample size as part of a gift-with-purchase promotion, and the marketing tactic clearly worked. I couldn’t have been more than 28 at the time and I distinctly recall the saleswoman commending me on my savviness.

“Aren’t you smart to take preventative measures at your age,” she cooed.

Oh, how I ate that compliment up.

Her approval was catnip, giving rise to a dopamine high that belied the sense of pride I felt at doing something future-me would thank me for. Thus, what started out as a low stakes trial size, became a full-fledged self-care practice.

We get preventative care for our skin, our teeth, our bodies, right? Younger generations have even figured out how to ‘prejuvenate’ their faces. And yet, somehow we never think to apply that same logic inward.

Because, what if inner work works the same way? What if a sample size mindset practice can unlock a new way of being now? What if it can shift the lens just enough to create more ease, more satisfaction? 

We’re talking about a different kind of self-care here. One with consequential ripple effects.

A purposeful pivot is that kind of ‘miracle in a jar.’

But what does that actually look like in real life? What is the practice?

I was in the car recently with someone close to me. She was struggling with a decision. There was this social event a close friend of hers was hosting for their birthday. It was out of the way. It would be loud. There would be people vying for the birthday girl’s attention.

Truthfully, she didn’t want to go, but grudgingly accepted that “it’s the right thing to do.”

Gah! That phrase! It rankled me. Because hearing her utter those words called attention to my own frustrating tendency to say the same exact thing.

You spot it, you got it.

I’ve said or thought “it’s the right thing to do” more times than I care to admit.

In almost the same moment, I had this insane realization.

Saying “it’s the right thing to do” is a knee-jerk reaction for people pleasers and conflict avoiders.

It’s a period, end of sentence, no discussion COP OUT.

Saying ‘it’s the right thing to do’ undermines our boundaries. It overlooks our own needs and desires in service to making others feel more comfortable.

And it's exhausting. 

So I pushed back a bit…for both of us.

“When you say ‘it's the right thing to do,’ what do you actually mean? What does “right thing” equate to in this situation?”

After some thoughtful deliberation, she realized the “right thing” was celebrating her friend’s birthday in an intentional way. And that meant spending time together in a setting where they could connect and enjoy each other’s company. 

It did NOT mean showing up performatively to an event just so she could say she was there.

Once she landed on that, responding to her friend felt so much simpler. No dread. No guilt. No rumination or second-guessing.

And that’s the practice. That’s the self-care routine for our inner world.

A beat. A moment of curiosity. Exploring the deeper values at play. Extending gentleness instead of judgement. 

That’s a purposeful pivot.

And here's what I know after years of doing this work: you don't build that new routine in one big moment of clarity. 

You build it with small reps. Just like those damn pulses in a resistance training workout – small movements that look like nothing but are actually everything 🔥

We spend real time and real money on preventative care and rejuvenation to support how we want to look on the outside. What if we were to invest even a fraction of that time and attention inward?

Not an overhaul. Not a whole new you. Just a low stakes sample size to start. And who knows…maybe that turns into the best self-care ritual of all.  

So here's your invitation for this week: the next time you hear yourself say "it's the right thing to do," – pause. Get curious. Ask what "right" actually means to you in that moment.

That's it. That's the rep.

Small move. Lasting change.